so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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