Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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