Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize