Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
