Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
