are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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