so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
