Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Less talking, more tequila
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize