At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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