You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
