erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
