i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
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