You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
