I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize