I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
