if i can run in heels then i can drive
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
