GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize