well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
