it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
the day after is always just damage control
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize