Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize