Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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