And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize