I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
