every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
