all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
