my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
