I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
