my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
