I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
