When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
