Just fell off a train. Bad.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
