Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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