Me. At least after what I've been through.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Watching her eat just hurts me
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
