You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
