do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I think I won the penis lottery.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
