Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
