Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
