Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
