So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
