I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
It's never too late to be topless.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
