Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
