fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
