She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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