I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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