When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
