I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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