I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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