I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
