i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
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