My sheets look like a crime scene.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
