I intend to get homeless drunk
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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