I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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