Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
