I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize