Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
