So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize