I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
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