paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Randomize
