dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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