but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
3 2 1 whiskey
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize