There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
