A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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