yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
