sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
