I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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