So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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