508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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