jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
