If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
