apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
