So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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