going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
