i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
oh god was she eating orange peels again
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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