So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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