Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
