My hair reeks of homosexuality.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
