dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize