Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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