are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
