hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
