I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
