I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize