I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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