Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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