and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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