drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
