I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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