it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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