Apparently you make a good broom.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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