fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
