I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
