Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
