So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
