No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
