I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
