Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
